Better Self Representation-The Perfect Way to End Cycles of Being Scammed

Earlier this year, someone asked me to promote their brand and casually told me on whatsapp.

"We will pay you $600 for 4 webinars,"

I said yes because money is good.

However I was relying on friendship and spiritual community fellowship, and didn't ask for a written contract.

So I created content and shared and shared. Videos, articles, whatsapp communities, you name it.

At the end, the higher management said this:

They pay for number of sign ups, not the content- this was not the original agreement with my recruiter.

So I was left at this person's mercy.

I spoke to my therapist and her first sentence was

"Wangarî, you're still not representing yourself."

We had dealt with a similar issue. A client asked for a book- 600 pages in February of 2021. I told her it would be ready in November because of the nature of the content.

Then I trusted the friendship clause and never drew a contract. The client honored the payments and I began to write.

But in June, they decided they needed the book immediately. I tried to refer back to the spoken contract that gave me 5 more months, but it fell on deaf ears.

So I started rushing through the writing to avert the escalating conflict.

In July, my mother got sick and the drama deepened. I hired someone to write the book and transferred the money to him.

The content was not as good. I offered to rewrite that book as per the original timeline, the client wanted it right there and then. In that July when my mother was in the ICU.

The one I paid couldn't send back the money.

I had dropped the ball on myself. Because in the presence of a legal contract with the November timeline, I'd have had a solid reason to do the work at the pace that was comfortable with me.

And of course the client took the half finished and sub-par quality book and went to have it rewritten.

My poor Self Representation had earned me the wonderful title of an online scammer.

In this second instance, earlier this year, I asked in the affiliate group why this person was changing the terms after the project ended.

He came to my inbox and called me a drama queen.

Then, after paying me $400 instead of the agreed $600, he boldly asked me if I want to continue with the deal.

Meaning he was okay with what he was gaining from me shortchanging myself.

In the other case, I begged to write that book to completion. Asked if we could make a refund plan and all were met with flat no's

It led to several therapy sessions where I discovered I cannot force people to cooperate where formal or written contracts are non existent.

And also, no matter how well you mean for people who want to play victimhood, you cannot win.(As in, if you're offering to compensate someone for the loss they have incurred in your hands, and they say no...then later go to claim you scammed them..that's their subconscious fulfilling it's victimhood.)

Now since you cannot know what patterns clients carry, contracts help you represent yourself.

Unless the person on the other end gets to a sober place and figures that it is possible to end victimhood by also creating and accepting formal contracts, you're both going to be in some seriously messed up Co-dependent drama.

It is through these mistakes that we learn how to form interdependent relationships.