Why Do Parents Create Co-dependent Bonds With Children?

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Honestly, most of us grow up in homes where emotional neglect is the norm.

We have varying degrees of the neglect. For example, some girls cannot share with their mom's about girl issues like boys or periods, etc because there will be shaming and rebuking. Some parents avoid these topics altogether.
Very few people can honestly say they ever hugged their parent and told them they loved them or heard it from them.
In extreme cases, there is direct abuse that involves being told you're useless or worthless and that you cannot help anyone.
So as you grow up, you disconnect from your inherent self-worth, (which is constant by the way)
Now, when you become a parent, you are presented with a little baby that needs you. This gives you an instant sense of worth.
(Hello my fellow single moms-you know how we say my kids are my entire life?)
And this being needed makes you feel important, valued. Sometimes this is addictive.
As in you derive so much worth from being needed that you sabotage your children's independence so that they can keep needing you.
How?
"Usiende hio job" to the child that wants to leave home.
"Are you sure you can pay your rent?" to the child planning to move to a new town.
"You cannot survive in a foreign country-just stay and wait for a local job," to the child who has found a work opportunity abroad.
You convince yourself you're helping this child, but in the real sense, you are creating a monster that will swallow both of you in the end.
How?
If something happens to the child and they are taken away from you-your, the entire focal point of your existence and value vaporizes. So you might lose interest in being here.
If the child rebels, you might turn into very dark narcissistic tactics to manipulate them to hang around and serve your need to be needed.
But it is possible to break free of the co-dependent tendency by shifting the focus of your worth back to yourself.
You are important whether or not you are doing ABCD
You are here just to be-and that is enough. No conditions are needed to qualify you as worthy.
That way, even when children leave home and start their lives-you still are worthy
Even when you cannot help your brother out of trouble-you're still a worthy being.
You're here, and that is enough.

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