The Lasting Impact of High School Bullying

 I grew up in the village. I went to Kiawambutu Primary School in Kandara, Murang’a County.

I was a great student throughout primary school. After sitting my KCPE, I got excellent grades and an admission to a Girls National School.

It was an exciting time for my parents. I think only myself and another girl called Mary qualified to go to the national school in the entire school district. I will always be grateful to my Dad for working so hard to ensure that my fees got paid in time, and I had my basic needs.

I wasn’t a poor or needy student. But that school did a number on me. My parents met all the financial needs and obligations on time. They showed up for all meetings and visiting days. But there was this social stratification and caste system that hurt you all the way down to your soul. Kids were rich, proud and conceited. Woe unto you if you didn't match those standards.

I remember the beginning of my woes was a house meeting where I said my name is Mirricent, instead of Millicent. The mocking started there and never ended. I felt excluded from everything..clubs, societies, swimming galas, funkies etc all belonged to the cool kids.

There was some marching craze that used to happen in second term. We'd be woken up at 4 am to go and march in the cold, misty limuru weather. They'd use hockey sticks to ensure we made 90 degree angles with our feet as we marched. We got frost bites from the cold, we showered with cold water a lot because we didn't have time to queue for hot water. The verbal insults from the seniors and house captains were so demeaning.

The cop meetings were horrifying, because they were basically hours of threats and insults, for simply existing, and qualifying to be a student in that school. I remember some of us going in smiling leaving the meeting with menstrual cramps...

Form 1 was the most terrifying year of my life to be honest. I experiencd constant terror and anxiety, induced by fellow students.

On entertainment day, myself and other village kids were assigned a category of entertainment called Shady Dancing. Shady meant uko na ushamba those days. They jeered at us as we did it, it was brutal.

My self-esteem took a deeper dive in form 2. Some girls in ‘journalism club’ had these awards for the class and they announced me as the most ‘mshamba’ girl in school. I guess it was because I’d borrowed my little brother’s jeans to wear on Saturdays when the school allowed us to wear home clothes. Or it was the shrubbing…I’ll never know, but it crushed me, big time.

I started sitting at the back of the class and stopped talking to people. I channeled that energy into writing. For the rest of my high school years, I was the girl who wrote, but said nothing in class. I guess she did me a favor because look at me now.

Anyway, I still feel that if I had schooled somewhere without that brutal caste system and social stratification, I’d have done better.

As parents, we focus so much on the ranking and the good reviews the school has and forget our childrens’ emotional well-being in the environment.

Kids are being bullied, beaten, even killed as the case of Ebbie, and we are okay with it because:

“Si tumewalipia schoolfees wanacomplain nini ingine tena,”

But listen dear parent, 4 years of high school can wreck your child for life. Kids have inherited depression from bullying, others have become drug addicts, others have even opted for suicide to escape the torture.

I know we call the kids big boy or big girl when they get to form one, but always remember this…A human brain fully matures at 25. Your 13-17-year-old is still a child.

Listen to them

Make them your best friend

Opt for a smaller and drama-free school for them if need be

Guard their emotional well-being with your whole life. Because high school lasts 4 years, but its effects can last a lifetime.