How the Motherwound Manifests in Men

There's one thing that early childhood psychology has taught me...that an inner child is an inner child, whether it is a boy or a girl.

There's a day a friend and I watched a grown man making a phone call while walking by the roadside. While talking to his boss, he picked up a ball with his feet and started dribbling it with his feet. He was in a suit. My friend told me:

" Look at what the little boy inside the grown man is doing,"

We smiled

It was nice to watch a man connected with his inner little boy.

.......

Now, sadly, those are few

Most of the relationship advice you get as adults revolves around the notion of the other gender being the enemy. But sometimes, you've got to see the boy who preceeded the man before labeling them monsters.

Now, I want you to picture this...a sweet little boy, about 15 months old. He is just learning to say simple words like "mama" and "papa" and also how to stand up or walk.

Then he makes the first step, falls and starts crying

And the mother tells him:

"Amka, mwanaume huwa haskii uchungu"

And thus the journey to the deepest, soul-fragmenting wounds begins.

After this incident... he will be shamed for crying for a toy, or for being hungry, or wanting a hug...

"Unalia na wewe ni mwanaume? Mwanaume huwa halii"

He will experience extreme emotions and his mother will staunchly refuse to hug his poor little soul because

"mwanaume ni kukaa ngumu."

He will undergo the harshest forms of punishment for wanting to play...sleeping hungry, going to bed without a bath, merciless beatings and much more...because"

"Vijana usipowakondolea macho watakua Talibans."

But what is registering in this little boy's subconscious?

I am worthless

My needs don't matter

I am broken

I don't deserve care

The world is cruel

I cannot rely on anyone to keep me safe

In adulthood, this manifests as:

1. Inability to process emotions: over the years, his emotion processing center will shrink, and he will have full blown emotional incompetence. As an adult, when you get emotional around him, he will shut down and cut you off. In worst case scenario, the war will get physical.

2. Anger as a defense mechanism: Inside every angry man you meet is a very sad, confused and disappointed little boy who doesnt understand his feelings and those of people around him.

3 Substance abuse: most men turn to alcohol and drugs as a self soothing mechanism. Other addictions include meaningless relationships and reckless sex.

And then he will become the harsh Dad who wrecks his sons in a similar "Kaa ngumu," violent manner.

...

So mommies on this timeline: Do you hug your little boy? Do you validate his emotions? The mother is a mirror for the little boy, he learns how to feel about himself depending on how you respond to his physical and emotional needs.

So, indeed, before the man...came the little boy.