Narcissistic Triangulation

Let's talk about triangulation today.

Often, when someone offends you continously, you might decide to set up a boundary between yourself and them. For example, maybe you broke up with a man/woman, and you decided to block them on social media because they couldn't respect your choice. 

Normal people who have healthy attachment styles always respect boundaries when they go up. So, a normal person will simply unfollow you and respect that they are no longer an insider in your life.

But what does a Narcissist do?

Well, they will try and violate that boundary. Let me give you examples:

1. You have blocked person A on social media. Now that they cannot access you, they befriend person B who can still access you. So A will be getting a regular supply of screenshots of what you are doing from B, and using them to try and hurt you emotionally.

2. Your boyfriend broke up with you. He has blocked you on all platforms. But since you have an 'urgent' message you need to send them, you keep messaging his sister/brother or even parents. You keep claiming you want what is best for him and you called since they can 'reason with him' .

3. You have an argument with a parent. You decide to distance yourself and figure out the experience. But they need it solved here and now-so they call ALL your siblings and aunties to tell you to stop being disrespectful.

As you can see, narcisstic triangulation involves some things that seem very normal. You have probably engaged in it at some point. 

If you find yourself ganging people up against someone who has wronged you instead of facing them-that's a narcissistic trait. 

Respecting people's boundaries is a sign of emotional health and wellness. And the fact that someone had to block you should have been the first hint that you also have issues to work on.

How to Stop Being a Victim of triangulation:

Understand that narcissim is a result of the narcissist's low self worth, and that's all on them. Therefore:

1. Recognize when they start playing. For example, if relative A calls you with 'nilitumwa' messages from relative B, know the game is on. Similarly, if friend A asks you to speak to friend B about a 'wrong' that they have been wronged-the game is on.

2. Do Not Play-Refuse to play messenger or mediator or whatever dirty work the narcissist needs done. If you are the victim, tell the messenger that the other party can contact you directly.

3. Respond when calmer-Avoid the messenger and approach the narccist. Re-establish the boundary if necessary.

4. Leave the triangle-sometimes, especially where older people like parents and relatives are involved, you cannot reason your way out of a triangulation drama. Refuse to take part, ignore it and create bigger boundaries. Cut off the messengers too if they don't know the role they are playing