Why You Should Stop Yelling/Shouting At Your Children

Picture this scenario. You're seated in the living room scrolling through the phone after a tiresome day at work. Kababa leaves his seat, walks to the TV stand and starts dancing to the cartoon song. Soon, he is climbing up the TV stand to see if he can touch his new best friends on the screen. So, because you bought the curved 65 inch at 100k plus, you shout in a voice that hasn't been heard before on this earth.

"WEWE!!! EBU SHUKAAAAAA KABLA NIKUUE!!!!

And of course follow it with kichapo and more yelling because you never want him to repeat that again. And it works because the next time the cartoons come back, he looks tempted to go and dance with them but looks the other way.

...

Well, yelling is an awesome shortcut. It scares the hell out of children and makes them behave. 

But what are the longterm consequences?

The diagram below is a simplified illustration of the structure of the human brain.

The part I want us to talk about today, is called the pre-frontal cortex (the red one). 

This is the part of the brain which helps humans process emotions. It gives you much of your intelligence and problem solving capabilities. Note that this part develops from birth until you are 20 years old. (past teenage)

So What Happens to It When You Yell at a Child?

Studies have shown that children whose parents yelled at them have smaller pre-frontal cortexes than those raised without yelling and beating. Their brain also functions differently. 

This is the part of the brain that stores a huge chunk of memories. The memories and associations help you make decisions throughout your lifetime.

So, I want us to understand this:

1. Your little boy is not scaling walls, TV stands and other risky activities to test your demons-their brain is underdeveloped, so they do not have a survival instinct.

2. When you yell at them, you impair their brain development. If that part of the brain doesn't develop normally, your child might engage in risky behavior all their life.

3. Yelling makes children more aggressive over time. It is an expression of anger which makes them feel insecure. I am sure you have also experienced instances where you yell and the child pees himself, runs to go and hide or even slaps you as a self-defense mechanism.

4. When your child reaches adulthood with an underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex, they will have a hard time interacting with others because they cannot self-soothe. That's why you find people slapping their wives because the wife raised her voice at them. (Not excusing violence, just explaining it). It's also why small offenses by children make parents hit them. (Violence indeed, begets violence)

So, first, understand risky behavior in children is because they really don't know they can get hurt. 

They have never fallen and gotten hurt, so their brain doesn't have that data. 

Instead of yelling, walk to the TV stand, carry him down, and explain to him how climbing up there will hurt him. 

There are also age-appropriate educational cartoons that you can watch with him to create this information in his brain.