Why We Should Shun This Culture of Cursing Our Children

Sometimes I look at the depth of normalized dysfunction in homes and I'm left with massive questions marks.

Picture this:

You're a first born son. So your parents educate you all the way to the university and you get a great job.

Then, you think to yourself,

"Well, the next step in progressive life, is getting a family,"

And you present your long-term girlfriend to the parents.

Then trouble begins,

When the parents were educating you, they had this unspoken contract with you in their heads-that you would build a home for them and educate the ones behind you.

By bringing the wife, they feel you have broken this contract.

So first, they threaten to curse you for disobedience.

And then they tell you that since you have decided to abandon them and do your 'selfish' things, your wife will be burying children one after another.

Then they descend on your wife with hellish levels of hostility.

"Huyo hatumtaki hapa kwetu,"

"Si mzuri,"

"Ni kichwa ngumu,"

"Anaringa,"

"Anakalia brother yetu saga,"

And all those other code words for

"She is stealing our bag!!! Stop her!!"

Sometimes, when the man is not co-dependent, he chooses the wife and the drama becomes background noise.

When he is co-dependent he will even dump his own children so he can mother his siblings.

Sometimes I think families where co-dependency runs deep use the bible and culture as handbooks to promote the deepest levels of narcissism known to man.

"I will leave a curse if you don't do XYZ,"

"When a parent is angry even God cannot bless you,"

"Whomsoever hates their parents deserves to die,"

You know all those lines from the bible and cultural teachings, right? Those ones that instill deep fear of saying:

"Sina pesa. Nastruggle sana honestly. Siko in a position kusaidia,"

Like why would an emotionally whole person curse their child because they chose not to mother or father their siblings?

Ebu we become the generation that understands your children are your responsibility. Not the burden of the eldest one.

Also, let us learn to respect the separateness and sovereignty of our children.

Akiamua kuolewa after first paycheck-keep raising the others, you are the one who chose to bring them here-your eldest child also has a right to live their life as they wish.